What life is like with E. (#tbt)

The morning begins the way the night before ended; with tiny feet against my legs, as he does not cuddle, but likes to know you are there.  Waking him up is beautiful, and he usually smiles and then, in a tiny voice you hear MeMa…I waited years for that word, and love it every time he says it.  Words from him are precious and cherished by us.  Far from little, years of eating difficulties led to supplements that made my “tiny boy” the size of a 5 year old, at 3.   The day never changes much, from school all day, then home for the night, because routine is everything.  This keeps outings to a minimum, and home becomes a playground of such, to include a trampoline in the living room.  He is the baby in our family and our child that turns little things in to daily blessings and gifts.  Never could I have imagined that he would wordlessly add such a dimension to what I believed parenting to be; nor would I have it any other way.  My husband calls it “next level” parenting, and that is accurate, for it challenges every ideal and thought I have used in raising the others.  When he is happy, it is evident to everyone; and we call him “Super Happy Ethan.”  Let him be hurt or sad, and he is equally as obvious about it.  He loves with all he has, and judges every situation with wisdom that is well beyond his years.  If you looked at him, you would know something was different, but it would take you a bit to really understand exactly what. Our motto?  "You can be normal, but I prefer to be awesome!"  This is Ethan, and this is what Autism truly looks like.  

Nowhere tonight do the trucks run alone.

On the road with the big rigs, the CB radios fell silent for a moment tonight. We lost one of our senior drivers, and the beginning strains of Alabama’s Roll On play in the back of my mind. Some 25 years after first hearing that now familiar song, the words take on new meaning, with the loss of one who brought it into my life. He was an amazing man, albeit a stubborn and set in his ways one…but there are many things in my life that would simply not exist had he not married my mom when I was 5. With him came 5 more siblings, and chaos that ruled our world for the next 10 years…2 am turtle pancakes before a run with Stacy, Sue’s wedding, Steve and Sandy having Andrew…Scott's shared stories from driving and following in his dads footsteps, Shane and rolling down the hill in our back yard in New Berlin, in the cardboard barrel. We all had to eat Total for breakfast, because Paul Harvey said it was best, and you knew if he built you something there would be a date and initials on it somewhere. These were the constants that our lives were built on…but he had an unexpected side. I can do that, was always a phrase you didn’t expect to hear, but when it came to doing a headstand (yep, in the living room, against the wall) or riding a bicycle…and we have the photo to prove that one…he always made you think and not take things at face value. You just simply never knew…I have to admit that I owe at least part of my parenting theories to him, for he never treated me like less because he was my “step-dad” nor did he ever discount my son as one of the grandkids…that was his Papa. My pride in being able to dance with him at my wedding was overwhelming, and a memory I will always cherish. Believe me, there are still times when I see someone who has a familiar logo on their hat, and I will ask them if they know Norm…99 percent will and have a story to share. So tonight, as you get ready to drift off, listen closely and you may hear that voice…low and serious…whisper to you “I am signing off for now, but I will see you again.” And the whine of the truck engine as he drives off into the night, making that one last run, where he can climb in his sleeper and rest. He was my family, my parent, my friend and I will miss him…but my life would have never been the same with out all he brought to it. God Speed Norm…and God Bless. We love you! Until next time...

A tearful Thanksgiving...

...a mother's goodbye.  He left today, 21 years old and headed to the plane, back to serve his time for this country as a good man does.  She stood at the gate, unable to go any further, watching him walk away...knowing it could very well be for the last time.  When, in this world, in our generation did things get this bad?  Why are we sending our sons and daughters over there, to defend others?  Is there no end to this war?  These were questions that ran through her head as she kept up a brave face, told him she loved him and that she was so damn proud of him, hugged him tightly and knew that this moment had to last her a year.  Memories of his life, from the small infant that fit in the crook of your arm, to the young man all proud to attend his first day of Kindergarten...the young image of him just after passing his drivers test, walking to see her in his cap and gown, putting on the fatigues for the first time and seeing him graduate basic training.  A brief life that has such potential, such promise, and yet he is selfless enough to go and protect his own, his family and country, from something far greater than even he could imagine.  This is the personal face of war, the honest and basic truth, and it is in all of us.  Agree or not with our being over there...it is a fact and bringing them home is not the cry that should go up, for they all come home...we want them to all come home safe to our waiting arms, our tearfilled eyes and our overflowing hearts...safe and sound to us once and for all.  This will be the longest year of our lives, and I count the days until I can see that young man take the reverse trip down from that plane and home again...God Bless you Scott...be safe, be smart and for heavens sake, be careful.  I will see you in Hawaii, next year, to bring you home.

Until next time...

An extensive time in-between...

I am going to be a mom again, in about 6 months.  This may be an ordinary statement to most, but I love the follow up that I get to use when asked if this is my first child.  No, I reply, my second...Awww...how does your other little one feel about becoming a big (well, in this case) brother.  I smile, and say...he is not so little, for this baby is due very close to his 14th birthday.  Yep, I grin at the shocked faces and comments of "Are you crazy?" and "He's almost out of the house, why begin again?"  I have to agree that is exactly what I am doing, beginning again, and I believe that I am going to be a better mother because of it.  Let me explain:

  My son, who I will admit is my world, was born when I was 19 (6 weeks shy of 20 and long out of school.)  I worked 2 jobs so that I could spend a year home with him, and just after his 1st birthday, I returned to work, where I have been ever since.  I never planned to have another child, and he was exactly what any mother could want...adorable, well mannered, and creative.  As he grew older, however, I began to think at what age would he be able to handle a sibling?  I wanted to assure that I could still be there for him when he needed me, so any less then 10 years was out of the question.  As he approached 10, the thoughts came back, and I toyed with the idea again, but I was a single mom and not interested in doing it alone....so back in to the "closet" they went.  I have the privilege now, not to be single anymore and the thought occurred to me once again...so following a long talk with my son (and his boys...did I mention he has 4) and an even longer talk with myself...we decided to go for it.  The results are obvious, and we are ecstatic...all of us.  The entire experience is new; from baby gear to birthing centers...nothing is as it was 14 years ago...including me. 

     So, was it worth the wait?  Am I scared?  Am I nuts?  Yes to all 3, for I see my son, not as a little boy but as the young man he now is, not needing me every second and totally excited at the thought of a little brother or sister.  I am scared to death...what mom to be isn't...and I will happily admit to being a bit off my rocker about starting over...but this time I have the privilege of not only age and wisdom, but the amazing man I get to share this with.  Some times we plan out our lives, and we see our future as one thing...but don't get so caught up in "the plan" that you miss the opportunities that are there for the taking.  Embrace the change, for you never know where it may lead you.  Even back into a place you loved years before...just with an extensive time in between.

Until next time...

Neither rain nor snow...

...nor freezing cold weather will stop these kids.  Put on a few layers and go out to support them!!  Hours a day, and 6 days a week is what the band members put into these shows, to say nothing of the time put in to making sets, sizing uniforms and more by their parents.  Dedicated, loyal, hard working and determined would be my choice of description for these kids.  They love to hear the applause as much as the football team, and they deserve our support and appreciation for their work equally.  Take a few moments, and an umbrella, and go out to support another branch of the ever amazing Purple Tornados...the show that they put on is worth it!!!

Way to go NHS Field Band!!  Good luck to all of you...the seniors (Seth) especially!!

Until next time...

Returning home before a long journey.

We all know that every day we are sending more of our boys and girls, young in age but old in spirit, over seas.  My oldest nephew Scott is soon to be one of them.  Home this week on leave, and gearing up to head to Iraq, he is a welcome sight in our lives.  He will be turning 21 on the 27th of this month, and was a graduate of NHS in 2005.  One of his "must do" things was to attend the football game this last Friday.  Of course, Norwich won, and the band stood to play the Tuba Salute (perhaps not the right title)...there on the bleachers, next to his younger brother Seth (a senior this year) stood my nephew playing as the second.  One taking the step of a lifetime as a senior and the other taking a leap as a member of the Army, and going off to a land so very far away...both remembering that little things like a victory at the football game is a memory worth making.  Our lives in school are a mere blink in the reality of our future, and yet, coming home before making the long journey in to the unknown and sharing something as small as a Tuba Salute seems like a moment that will last a lifetime.  Remember where you came from, who you wanted to be all those years ago, and reflect on if you actually got there yet.  If not, keep trying, and if you happen to see a young person still searching...willing to take every memory as if it were gold and treasure it...embrace their love for life....for family...for country and smile.  Life is what you make it...no matter what.  Good luck Scotty, and be safe, for we are pulling for you here at home...The future is what you choose to make it Seth and we know you will create something amazing with you life.  Well done boys...well done!!!

Until next time..

A trip down memory lane.

My nephew is a senior at Norwich this year, and every time I hear him talk to me, it takes me back 15 years.  Band, musicals, football (Go Tornados!!!) were huge in my high school years at NHS!  He even has the amazing honor to have some of the same teachers...the good ones often never leave.  I took a minute to read about the field band, and yep, hes in there for his (I believe) 7th year...and pride that used to fill my heart still soared through my face, and created a smile.  Norwich is one of those places that, no matter where you end up, you still feel like you can always go home.  From our rocking sports teams...go Coach Pluta..., to our amazing musical and drama...Ms. Mayo and Mr. Sands...still kicking it!!  From the urge to wear something purple on Friday all these years later, to the drive to move back home before my youngest starts school, it still rates up there with the best things in my life.  The hotdog lady on the corner of West Park....and many visits there after school....Nina's pizza (I have never found any like it) these are the things that make you long to find a place like that.  I do believe that this June, watching my nephew take that same walk I did...seeing him in that cap and gown, and knowing that he will always have this to call home, no matter where he ends up...will be an honor.  Good things always are...no matter what. 

Have You Got Soul?

I have some amazing friends, and an even more amazing family...I am often asked what drives me to be such an understanding mom. What drives me to make my children the best people that they can be, and I would like to think that the belief that they will be the future leaders of our country is a good enough reason. We, as a whole, are one of the most fortunate countries in the world, yet we teach our future leaders to think only of themselves. Kids are not shown that there are far worse things in life then not having the latest Play Station 3 or the best of everything. I used to believe that there was little hope for us, as a nation, and then I began looking at my nieces and nephews...my sons...their friends and I realized that perhaps we are not at a total loss. My 16 year old niece posted a video on her My Space that was about the Night Commute. She is looking forward to making a difference for children in another country...to save their lives...and realizes that there will be nothing in it for her except the pride in doing the right thing. There were actionable groups when I was a teen, and we were taught to believe we could make a difference by writing a letter to congress, or our president. I honestly believed that thoughts like that had gone by the wayside, until I saw that video. Perhaps we do not see the need out there for our youth to take action, because we have simply stopped looking. And perhaps we have stopped asking them what issues are important to them...Lets face it, in 2 or 3 years, these are the new voters. These are the ones who are going to have the hard questions about what is vital to our existence...perhaps asking them what is needed to make our country better is a good plan. Take a moment...talk to a teen...and more importantly...listen to one. They know what they want in our future...their future...and they have a far better handle on how to get it then we ever did. Go to You Tube and search for Night Commute I Got Soul. Watch this video and I mean REALLY watch it...see how many kids (yes, kids) acted to do what they felt they needed to...to help save other kids. If this does not bring a chill to your skin, or a tear to your eye, then you need to rethink where your heart is. I realize this is just one persons opinion...but you should give yourself a chance to take a look. You never know what you might find. Until next time...

Through the eyes of a child...

...the world is simply an amazing place. We often take for granted the everyday things that we encounter. We, as adults, worry about mortgages and car payments; is our SUV the latest and greatest of anyone’s on the block? Perhaps, if your world is going in this insane circle, you should sit back and view it through a child's eyes. They see things like their friends, their family and that is what makes their world complete...they do not view every person of different belief as a potential enemy, and they share with anyone who needs it (as well as some that do not.) They smile with all they have, and they love unconditionally. They welcome new experiences and will try to do something until they succeed. The word fail does not exist in their vocabulary, until someone teaches it to them. They do not hate, do not fear and know no boundaries on their hearts. If all their clothes are hand me downs, or don't match just right...if their hair is a mess and if they do not have the best stroller on the block, it simply is none of their concern. We need to take a lesson from our children, a page from their coloring book, and spend the day not worrying about if our clothes are the latest fashion, or if the girl in the next cubicle is going to get the promotion over me since she is skinnier. Take your kids out, before the weather turns completely freezing, and play with them. Walk barefoot in the grass, on the beach, in the sand. Watch as they laugh over nothing, and then in perfect contentment, take your hand. Let them lead you for a day and see what a vast difference you view point becomes, because they are the leaders of tomorrow...this is their future you are creating...you are the link to their being able to create a world of potential and hope, instead of one that is all fear and sadness. Pay attention to them, listen to them and love them...for that is truly what life is all about. Until next time...

Happy Birthday to one that has gone.

Tomorrow is going to be one of those days. The kind where you are happy in your life and yet, there is that small feeling of loss for what may have been. This rings true in a few ways in our lives over the past, and the hope for the future. Anniversaries, no matter what the purpose, are never all tea cakes and roses, but are necessary just the same. The birth of one, the death of another...no matter if it is person, friend, or family...never easy but often easier as the time passes. The future is ours, and this year we celebrated the 5th year anniversary of your death, the 37th anniversary of your birth. I, for on, am taking a new approach though. Celebrating this day with memories that make me smile, cupcakes that were your favorite, for all to partake! You would have liked that. Within the next year however, I am certain, we will celebrate many things and this alone is what makes these long days seem a bit shorter. Life is often complicated, and almost always difficult, but the small moments that we get to share with each other are what dealing with the rest is all about. Here is to a year of new love, new life and new dreams coming true. The past can stay where it belongs...in the past, in our memories, in our hearts, and the future is simply all ours. Happy Birthday Tina, my darling sister...31 when you left us, and 37 tomorrow in our hearts. You are still well loved and greatly missed. Until next time...

A new focus on "education"

More than once, in the past 4 years, I have been asked what I have done about E's autism.  That question always puzzles me, as I am never certain how to answer it.  I was not aware that there was anything to be "done;" but then it hits me...they are asking what diet, therapy, school I have added or changed to make him better, to fix him.  I will be honest, we do not see E as sick or broken, therefore we have nothing to do.

Simple pleasures...

...are often overlooked. I have spent a lot of time lately looking at the "big picture" of life, and find myself having over looked the little things that really matter, like sleeping children and working dryers. Let me explain...we have the new beach house, which is awesome, and we are finally able to find most things that we packed. Alright, I will admit to still not being able to find some clothes and the cereal bowls. But it has taken 4 weeks and 2 trips to Lowe's to get our dryer working...and almost as long to settle the kids into a routine. Then school started and we began again, although we had an easier time after the trial run. Still, most days you hear "Have you seen my ____________?" (feel free to fill in the blank) Kids...sigh. I did not realize how much I missed bedtime, and a schedule. Or doing wash and not having the house looking like a Chinese laundry. New houses are nice, but I have to admit, moving is not. Here is to a fall filled with a normal life, clean clothes and happy kids. Oh, and hopefully amazing news...you never know. Until next time...

Lazy or uninspired?

Did you ever notice in this world of electronic gadgets, email and cell phones, there is still an inborn need for children to play in the dirt? I often hear people say that kids these days just have no imagination. I for one would have to disagree. I got the opportunity to watch 3 boys at the park today, ages 4,7 and 10, play together. They were strangers, never meeting before now, but within minutes they had taken up the age old pasttime of digging in the dirt. A short conversation later, and information of parents, siblings and club names (yes, in those few minutes they had formed a club) their world became a need to dig, even upending an anthill, complete with ants and gathering nuts long since discarded from the trees by the local squirrel population. I listened intently, and never once did I hear talk of Yu-Gi-Oh, cartoons, toys or other "imagination less" topics. I was blessed with cries of joy over uncovered pieces of wood and the phrase "look what I found" came to my ears more then once. Perhaps our perception of "kids these days" is altered by our lack of giving them opportunities to be, well, kids. Take them to the park, and then stand back and watch them play. Let them get dirty and make new friends that they may never see again, but will talk about for ever. Don't damn them to being your vision of what you think, just let them change what you see when you look. You might be surprised! Until next time...